okay are you tweeting about ME or kimberly

happy birthday to taylor swift and beyoncé the album but most importantly happy 7 year anniversary of me getting laid off from martha stewart and receiving this text in the same day

Me getting cucked by a tv show is peak me

oh no phill not this take

1. love that *i* am the sole reason that these episodes haven't been released all at once. 2. my therapist would have something to say about how you teasing me just makes me want new episodes more

. drop the episodes today perhaps. maybe?? just a suggestion or, if you will, a recommendation

i guess the one thing i'll miss about seeing my family for Christmas is the 17th annual fight i start with absolutely no one about how criminal it is that Sarah Michelle Gellar was only ever nominated for one major award for Buffy

he's had the vaccine the entire time

i'm doing the lord's work

okay maybe we need to not celebrate legacy brands for trying to be relatable almost 10 years too late?